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weird I woke up this morning with the intent to spend the day writing. I have been terrible about discipline lately, and promised myself I'd catch up. So where did I spend the entire day?
In the garden.
Okay, "in the garden" is the wrong phrase. First of all, it's not a garden yet. It is several large tangles of weeds separated by stones. But I'm working on it. I mowed the lawn, which is also less a lawn and more a collection of straw, moss and weeds. Oddly, I enjoyed it. I enjoyed being outside and making the yard look nicer. Then I pulled up some weeds, which took me ages and destroyed my new gardening gloves, but I felt a sense of accomplishment. I did something solid. And I have more left to do. But I made progress, which makes me feel good. Now I can write. If I can get myself to. I'm not blocked - I have plenty to say - but I'm...afraid of it? I don't know if that's right. I just know that I've been avoiding getting back to it all day. No idea why, and it can't be pure laziness. Perhaps it has something to do with having the time to write now. I feel like I have to come up with something great. And nothing I come up with seems good enough. I know I'm a good writer, I've been told so...and I like doing it. Yet I'm doing everything else I can get my hands on. Anybody know why?
(That was, by the way, a random thrown-out-there question and not a plea for advice. I'm working on being independent and not needy, here. So don't answer unless you really want to.)
July 22 2005, 18:15:47 UTC 6 years ago
It sounds like you've answered your own question!
It's much easier working on something when you have excuses. "Oh, I threw this little thing together but I didn't have much time and I was really sleep deprived, so sorry if it's not great." But here you are in this beautiful (and potentially inspiring) countryside with loads of free time and every opportunity to create something great. So if you don't come up with something brilliant, well... it's just you.
But really, it's likely that for each piece you write, some people will like it and some people won't think it's a masterpiece. And that's OK; there's no need to be perfect - having fun writing cool stuff is nifty enough.
And aside from that, three cheers for gardening! I swear, I've pulled up so many weeds this summer I keep wondering why my yard hasn't turned into a giant hole in the ground... I can't wait until next summer when I should have fewer weeds and more flowers!
July 23 2005, 13:19:21 UTC 6 years ago
And about the weeds too. I know there are flowers under there somewhere...unfortunately I won't be here next summer, but I guess making it look pretty before it all dies in the fall will be reward enough!